Transformation

Sex/Spirit Drive

2012-02-06T12:29:00.001Z

We hear a lot about people's sex drive and how it comes and goes; whether it is too high or low but you may have never hear the term "Spirit drive". This is the drive to connect to Spirit; to Source to the Divine. Some people experience this as a deep longing for the One; for union with or absorption into the Divine. Some young children experience it, though they may have a hard time formulating it; a longing to go home. This later gets eclipsed by, or transforms into the sex drive. Later in life they may separate out again and we can experience the two as more separate drives. The author of some recent research published in the American Journal of Medecine on this said, "Approximately half of the women aged 80 or older reported arousal and orgasm most of the time, but rarely reported sexual desire." See Article . So you could think of the variations of your sex and your spirit drives through your life. Where are you now? Tantra, of course says that at the deepest level the two drives are from the same source; there is only the deep longing to realise the Oneness that is All.

2012 etc.

2011-12-22T16:41:00.000Z

Welcome to the Winter Solstice. My prediction is that at the end of 2011 there will be 2012 and after 2012 there will be 2013. The world will not end despite the beliefs of some fundamentalist religionists and some New Agers alike. The Mayan calendar - all 3 Mayan calendars are less accurate than the old Roman calendar and don't predict the end of the world. The astronomical descriptions; such as the earth is crossing the centre line on the galaxy are rubbish (see 2012 apocalypse and 2012 hoax ) . Dates are simply numbers and astronomy and astrophysics are fairly well understood.

Things are changing faster and faster in the world in complicated and contradictory ways. I like the title of one talk a few years ago: "Things are getting better, things are getting worse and, things are and always have been perfect." In tantric terms this age is known as the Kali Yuga when people are furthest from Source, but the age is a very long one and transition out into another is a slow process not a sudden change. Ancient texts suggest that tantra is the best practice in the Kali Yuga.

I have got predictions for next year. Here are a couple. Several countries will stop pricing commodities (perhaps including oil), in US dollars and the US will stop being able to print dollars to buy commodities and have to start living in the real world. It will realise that its economy has been totally unviable for years and people will begin wake up. The resulting civil unrest will unleash the powers of the US State, which has been waging a sort of hidden war on much of the world for decades, and turn them against its own citizens. This is what the FEMA Camps are for (see You Tube Video ). In Britain, a report has called for rioters to be shot.

The best thing to do? Meditate and protest. Protest when you can and support the Occupy movement. Talk to your neighbours and build local as well as global connections - remember the internet can be controlled or switched off. Learn to grow vegetables. Globally, learn to speak Chinese as they are the major economy which is really growing thanks to isolation and a ruthlessly practical government. Practice meditation yoga and tantra. Make love. Be love. Mark the Solstice and have a good year. Namaste!

Men's Day

2011-11-21T17:58:00.001Z

Saturday was International Men's Day; did you miss it as well?? Its not the most widely publicised event and of course attracts the comment that every day is men's day from their profile in politics and the public agenda.This prevents the need to look at men and their vulnerabilities which their competitive capture of the public spaces hides. More men die of testicular and prostate cancer than women die of breast cancer but breast cancer and screening is well know. Too many men don't even know where their prostate is (its behind you!!!!) Three times as many men commit suicide as women and it is the biggest single killer of men aged 15 - 34 in Britain. In inner city areas, crime is the major cause of death amongst black men under 25. The dysfunction of men creates lots of young men who grow up without fathers or father-figures creating the next generation of lost men who remain as overgrown teenagers with no means of entry into true manhood. Sport and the celebrity culture don't provide many good role models. The most powerful and transgressive act today is to honour the functions of the masculine; power, authority, presence; all used to witness without judgement, create safety and hold space. In that held sacred space the feminine can heal and blossom and children can grow.

Everything Changes; everything returns.

2011-10-07T18:12:00.003+01:00

There is one image which is never long out of the news media in the last twenty years. It is almost interchangeable from Bosnia to Libya to Afghanistan to Gazza. It is the image of young men with guns and armoured cars or battered cars; posing, shooting in the air, shooting at buildings, waiting to shoot or to be shot at. There is much heroism or recklessness or craziness or desperation and many touching scenes of intense emotion and also atrocities. After a while the big baddie in power like Gaddafi is kicked out and another or others replace him. A new era is proclaimed. We are all invited to cheer and be thankful.

In the Middle East, much of the conflict is between men who were circumcised at birth (Jews) and the men who were circumcised between the ages of three and eight (Arabs). Such genital mutilation causes massive trauma and the conflict is between those where the trauma can only exist as a body memory; very deeply repressed and those who may have it as a conscious traumatic memory. It is the earliest linking of sex and violence and as the body is mapped on to the penis, damages the point corresponding to the heart centre. Of course the conflict is also fed historically by earlier traumas; the echoes of the Holocaust and the memories of displacement and poverty. Only clearing the trauma will make a lasting major difference.

There seems to be an unquestioned belief that what replaces the old is much better than before. But the same character structures are prevalent. They even came to power in a similar way. A character structure is the result of the natural life force in a person meeting an environment which doesn't respond lovingly and supportively. Natural impulses are suppressed and energies distorted. Traumatised rulers are replaced by more traumatised people with the same levels of consciousness. What is needed is therapy on a national scale; this to some degree happened in South Africa where the end of apartheid didn't result in mass bloodshed and revenge partly because of efforts of organisations like the Justice and Truth Commission. What is also needed worldwide is a culture of acceptance of life energy and its embodiment in passion, sexuality, emotion and aliveness.

Inbetweeners & Tantra

2011-08-27T21:50:00.000+01:00

This film is funny in a puerile sort of way. It is very well written and acted. It has the familiar lineup of very juvenile men and long-suffering and patient, mature women; familiar from so many sitcoms and films from One Foot in the Grave, Men Behaving Badly, and any film with Hugh Grant in. However as these men really are quite young in Western terms; 18 and between leaving school and college/work/unemployment, being immature is more acceptable. In one sense it is a film about transitions but also, given the absence of real rites of passage for young men in our culture, it is about the distortions and blocks to real Shiva consciousness; the awareness of the Divine Masculine. Each of the four young men, who are the central characters, displays one particular block. One is intellectual and trapped in his head unable to relate; one is obsessing for a lost girlfriend and unable to relate; one is caught in the most superficial level of connection and unable to relate and one is self-obsessed and ....unable to relate. They can't see Shakti in front of them. All are numbed by alcohol. In the end it works out alright and they get the women. Shiva and Shakti are united. It is a film about consciousness and unconsciousness; now not many reviewers will have said that!

Tantra & Tantric Festivals

2011-08-20T13:50:00.000+01:00

The Sat Chandi Maha Yajna festival is a five day tantric festival held each year, presided over by Swami Satyananda the founder of the Bihar School of Yoga. I have just seen a film of it (Love & the Art of Giving by Simon Eugene .See You Tube Video). A central feature is prasad or giving of gifts from the divine and distributing them to the poor and also the work of preparation; a meditation of selfless giving in the days before the festival opens I have also just come back from a Tantra Festival in UK; the third I have attended. Of course the differences are absolutely enormous and their juxtaposition highlights the differences between tantra East and West. There are similarities; the giving of the many before and during the event to make it all happen; the ending "thank you"s - an acknowledgement of bhakti yoga.

Some of the differences are cultural; in India the children are all proudly in uniform; people are happy to stand in lines; the individual is clearly small compared with the totality of the festival. In the West the Tantra Festival is a festival of individuals all doing their own thing, there for their own needs. What they mostly get is music - often rather loud, lots of dance and lots of chances to meet others. For most, this is what they want; however it may not be what they need, and unfortunately it only hints at what tantra is really about; unless tantra is thought to be about personal development and sexual bravado.

What is missing is devotion to a anything beyond themselves, and the use of mantra and ritual as a way of getting there. Mantra is the most powerful method of accessing sublime states of consciousness. Ritual holds the focus on the Divine not the small self. Through both you can touch emptiness. Any workshop is a taster; and at a festival even more so. A taste of transcendence can lead to a hunger for it which can propel the seeker further. In the West, without any shared framework we can only offer experiences and hope that enough of the power of Shiva to witness and reflect is present that they can explore more deeply. I just wish it was easier to impart some of this quality. Shiva is more subtle than the power of Shakti and the festival is mostly a "fairground" of Shakti - sound, movement, music, intensity, brightness. Such intensity is rather addictive and leads to a search for the next high which is away from the settling in to ease and real presence which is where consciousness can be found.

Looting

2011-08-10T23:47:00.000+01:00

Its debatable whether the looters are any greedier or undisciplined than the bankers and "rogue traders" of casino capitalism over the last 25 years. Supermarkets and government policies have damaged our High Streets more than any rioters ever could; leaving many a line of boarded up shops, charity shops, mobile phone shops and inexplicably shoe shops (try buying good fresh fruit and vegetables on most high streets!). Of course what the State fears is not looting, which is shopping without money; an extension of the credit card culture which, to take a 70's marketing slogan for VISA "takes the waiting out of wanting". Looting mostly harms ordinary local business people and puts up insurance premiums for all. It is a sort of confirmation of consumer society with rioting provides the perfect excuse for even more money to be spent on the police and army and even more CCTV cameras.

What governments fear is people discovering what they really are missing in life; not a larger flat screen TV but the satisfaction of real connection and real empowerment. Of course some decent "rites of passage" for young men into responsible manhood would help instead of impromptu rituals involving fire, broken glass and battles with the police. Perhaps the current attack on psychotherapy ("evidence-based" CBT is the only therapy) is the realisation that empowerment and consciously considered values are really threatening. When we are in touch with ourselves, our true nature and the Earth; when we connect with others, when we feel the power within us; then much of what passes for our modern sophisticated society will have to change radically. Perhaps this is happening anyway. It is clear that in many areas all governments and politicians are helpless. This is the difference to the belief of the previous generation who hoped that a different system with different ideologies and different personalities would really change things. Obama hasn't delivered; Cameron and a coalition won't; the only government which can save the world capitalist crisis is a "communist" one; China. The world is already turned upside down; more than a few burning cars and wrecked shops could every be. And "No"; a magic date in 2012 or a second Coming isn't the explanation or the answer.

Summer Solstice

2011-06-21T10:53:00.000+01:00

In most cultures the sun is a masculine symbol and the moon feminine. In the Taoist system this is early summer and the symbol is fire and the organ the heart. In David Deida's ideas of the masculine and feminine essence, the feminine is radiance. The solar plexus chakra or energy centre, often considered yellow and wrongly located just below the ribcage, is a positive masculine centre of power and will with a feminine side of playfulness. So, whatever you believe, enjoy the sun when it comes out; radiate love and warmth from your heart, celebrate life and remember (if you are old enough) one of my favourite Beatles numbers "Here comes the Sun...." .

Science

2011-05-23T11:04:00.003+01:00

My first degree was in Physics and I have always retained a scientific interest particularly in the bridge between conventional science and alternative views. As a therapist I am well aware of the human tendency to believe what we would like to believe rather then what has been established. The scientific method of slow testing and systematic observation has great value (and also some limitations) and the alternative healing world has too much sheer rubbish in it, where people believe what they want to believe (or sell!) So I loved this piece of research; (Abstract at ;http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18637995 ) which demonstrates that trained observers can tell with over 80% accuracy from the way a woman walks if she is able to orgasm from vaginal sex rather than clitoral stimulation. The abstract says, "a gait that comprises fluidity, energy, sensuality, freedom, and absence of both flaccid and locked muscles" indicates an ability to experience deeper vaginal orgasms because the lower back and pelvis are freer for energy to move in. Obvious really but nice when it comes from science. It is also true that for a number of women when they get more aroused then they tend to tense their lower back and thigh muscles - as well as their neck and jaw. So book a good tantric massage now ( www.shivoham.asia) to learn to really let orgasmic energy flow freely in your body!

Bits and Pieces

2011-05-23T10:36:00.000+01:00

We have had the Royal Wedding where the bride was in white and the groom, dressed like a toy soldier was all in red. A strange reversal of the traditional tantric colours where Shakti is usually associated with hot red, kundalini energy and Shiva with the cool white energy of awareness. It seems strange to me to connect the celebration of a relationship with military power but the bottom line is always that the state will use whatever force it has to survive. They could have asked us to organise a tantric wedding instead!

Equinox

2011-03-21T20:20:00.001Z

Last night was the Spring Equinox, the equal balance of day and night. We did a short fire ritual at sunset as the very full moon rose with the havan kund, the inverted copper pyramid with a fire of cow dung, ghee and small sticks.

We chanted 108 times the Maha Mrityunjaya Mantra; Om, Tryambhakam Yajamahe, Sugandhim Pushtivardhanam Urvarukamiva Bandhanan Mrityor Mukshiya Maamritat, Swaha! and with each "Swaha" offered some rice to the flames. A precise translation is; Om. The three-eyed one / we worship. The fragrant / sustainer of this world. Like a cucumber / from its stem. From death / liberate / not from immortality.

In this mantra, Shiva is addressed as the three-eyed one. The deeper meaning of the term “Shiva”, that which is auspicious and benevolent. Shiva is not merely a specific deity among other deities, but is Absolute Consciousness or Godhead. The third eye is the eye of wisdom, which stands for spiritual vision and knowledge beyond the duality of past and future, knower and knowledge, subject and object. The third eye is not only associated with spiritual realization and meditative vision, but also stands for Shiva’s power to destroy evil. In Hindu mythology, Shiva is known to destroy evil with a mere glance from this third eye, especially when his righteous anger is aroused.

We didn't do another chant to Shakti as if to balance things up. Western tantra seems to have made Shiva and Shakti into a modern egalitarian couple (traditionally it was more likely to be Shiva and Parvarti). There is no easy equal symmetry here. At the deepest level Shiva and Shakti are One - like the wave and the ocean or water and wetness. Above that Shiva is absolute consciousness and therefore the base on which the whole world is created through Shakti. Enjoy Spring and the blossoming of all that is created, grown, and reborn.

The Union of Shiva and Shakti

2011-03-18T13:48:00.000Z

This is a great presentation on a central part of tantra with gratitude for whoever made it.

What it is All About!

2011-03-06T17:59:00.000Z

There is only emptiness – vast spaciousness like the infinite blue sky or like the deepest silence beyond all sound.

There is no “me” – all I perceive is not me; thoughts, feelings, sensations, images which are apparently inside me; and phenomena, things, apparently in a place called the world which "I" observe. In reality, on my shoulders is just a blazing empty space; not separate from the vast spaciousness of all.

There is no "I" or "me" to be healed, improved, or become enlightened. Enlightenment is not an experience – it is the demolition of all concepts; all that we think we are. There is no path to truth – it just is; here and now.

Resting easily in the natural state, emptiness arises readily and is luminously clear. There is no perceiver of this emptiness. Not being separate from this empty, loose and natural space allows the experience of the inseparability of emptiness and the phenomena that arise in the emptiness; thoughts, feelings, insights, perceptions, experiences. All experiences and phenomena are empty and are not different to, or separate from emptiness they are like two sides of a coin. This emptiness is not an absence but a fullness, a spaciousness that contains all. The world is not an illusion; it is the viewer who is the illusion.

The tantric formulation of this is that everything is Shiva; universal consciousness. If we don’t have this as the root realisation then we either embark on a futile game of self-improvement; trying to become more spiritual or more whole; or we chase phenomena such as more powerful experiences, bigger orgasms, greater realisations. All experiences and phenomena are empty and the experiencer, being not distinct from this spacious emptiness is also empty. Phenomena of all sorts are the manifestation of Shakti - the dynamic, creative power of the universe. Therefore if we only see and worship Shakti then we are tying ourselves into the manifest world. If we are rooted in the realisation that everything is consciousness (“I am Shiva”) then we can experience Oneness; the inseparability of form and emptiness, energy and consciousness Shakti and Shiva beyond all dualities. This is true advaita tantra.

Deeply realising this either as a gradual dawning or as a sudden awakening puts much of what happens in tantra workshops into a different perspective.

Flowers of Emptiness

2011-02-14T16:12:00.001Z

I have just come back from two weeks in Goa, India. It is a beautiful, warm simple life there; probably much like the Mediterranean fifty years ago before big hotels and package holidays started. In all the many hours I spent sitting in cafes meeting many, many Europeans I only met one person who was there for their annual holiday for three weeks. Every other person I met was there for many weeks or months or sometimes years (with excursions out of the country to renew their visas). Some were "finding themselves"; some had hopelessly lost themselves; some had probably smoked far too much dope; some had put in many hours of meditation or yoga or spent years in spiritual practice, some just travelled and travelled. Some were in their early 20's others in their 60's.

I wondered what the hard-working Goan fishermen made of these westerners practising their poi on the beach or drumming at sunset. It is hard not to judge. Spiritual growth requires awareness and relaxation into being; but paradoxically is forged in the activities of life. If we have not cultivated awareness then relaxation and lack of challenge usually leads to dullness and sleepiness. All spiritual teachers are trying to get us to wake up!

I was reminded of Kahil Gibran's words in The Prophet that work is love made visible and that we work to keep pace with the world. Everyone's path is very mysterious ; usually to themselves and invariably to anyone else. The most powerful yoga is kriya yoga and "kriya" means action!

Barotse

2010-11-22T16:09:00.000Z

I am back from two weeks in Western Zambia with many memories. Strongest is the sculptured groups of black mat skin. The women with silent wide eyed children; the large group of girls, some carrying younger children and small boys. There were a few young men, usually near the edge of the group. Most of the men were in the fields. It was as if they were posed for a photo of beauty, dignity, with an air of welcome; unperturbed by the differences which bothered me so much. We arrived in a gleaming white Toyota with plastic chrome; four white middle aged or elderly men and a couple of local people. They had very little in some villages; no cattle or goats or chickens, just huts and a diet of maize and cassava. They found some chairs and we sat in the shade of the tree on the poor sandy soil. Nearby was the hand pump; the subject of our visit.

I notice how in the West poverty is shameful and differences awkward. They seemed at ease with this and peaceful, open, welcoming; shaking hands at every opportunity. No one could envy their suffering, their very basic existence and there is certainly nothing ennobling in poverty. But they can more easily attain a natural relaxed state in a world of few distractions and little pressure beyond the daily tasks of survival. No mobile phone signals reach here yet; no satellite dishes, no internet; (but not for long I fear).

We came to see how they were managing with the new well made after they had accepted out demand that they construct and use pit latrines and wash their hands. A small imposition on them which can save the lives and the sight of their children, nearly half of whom will otherwise be struck by simple illnesses.

I hope there is some way that their lives can be improved without being spoilt. That the usual development doesn't lead to an exodus of the young from rural life to live in the sprawling cities where half the world's population now live. I don't know what would make that possible but at least basic sanitation and water make health a real prospect.

Polyamory

2010-09-18T20:48:00.001+01:00

So many songs are written about love. Here in the West we have a religious tradition of Christianity - a religion based on love (though some pretty unloving things have been done in its name!); and in tantra we often see the heart chakra as the centre of the body and the transformer and gateway from the three lower - but not lesser chakras to the three higher ones. The heart is the centre of love. So it seems a bit strange that little attention is given to how and where love flows in our lives. Who do you love? How do you love? What are the limits of love?

I am not going to answer these questions but Dr. Deborah Taj Anapol, after training as a clinical psychologist has spent most of the last thirty years, trying to understand this in her own and others lives. Her first book Love without Limits was published nearly twenty years ago. She has written about the Seven Laws of Love and has now just published Polyamory in the 2st Century. Summarising this and giving many examples of the lives of those, who from choice or necessity have lived in a different way. Her website www.lovewithoutlimits.com has some excellent articles on it. She has been staying at my house and is a lovely person who runs great workshops.
Imagine a world where our hurt and pain about love wasn't running us and where we didn't operate as if love was in short supply!

Tantra and Yoga are Sciences

2010-08-16T18:53:00.026+01:00

New Age Chakras

New Age Map

The New Age is full of versions of "anything goes" or "whatever you believe is true" or " you create your own reality", all of which are the opposite of a science, where things have to be tested and verified and considered in relation to previous truths. Here is a small example.The chakras are centres in the body which connect physical and energy bodies together. They are important in tantra as part of the map by which we can move energy and consciousness through the body. The chakras are actually rooted inside the body near the spine but I will only talk of where they "surface" at the front. If you look in most modern western books the Third Chakra, traditionally called Manipura (City of Jewels) is located at the solar plexus; just below the ribcage and the second chakra is at the level of the navel. The third chakra is usually called the Solar Plexus Chakra. Above are typical New Age pictures of the chakras.

Traditional Chakra Map

However, traditionally in all the ancient texts Manipura is known as the Solar chakra and not connected with the solar plexus. It is also sometimes called the Navel Chakra, Nabhi Padma and its location is at the navel or, some yogis even suggest one finger width below the navel. This is where the New Age puts the second chakra! Traditionally the second chakra is two finger widths above the pubic bone. Basically everything has shifted by one chakra and been moved up about four inches! Here is a typical picture of this version. Notice the positions of the second and third chakras.

Traditional Chakra Map

How did this happen? It probably stems from a misunderstanding by Theosophists in the late nineteenth century where the solar chakra got mixed up with the solar plexus. C.W. Leadbeater's book The Chakras in 1927 certainly has this and influenced the New Age view of the chakras. They are generally based on using the chakras for healing; whereas in tantra, meditating on the chakras is a means of dissolving unconscious imprints and obstacles to union with the Divine source.

So if the third chakra is at the navel, put you hand there. This is your centre of power, will and playfulness it is also the hara or tan tien in Japanese and Chinese and a place for the accumulation of energy. It is connected with the element of fire; the fire of the jewel shining like the sun at this centre.

How we Hide

2010-07-13T10:53:00.000+01:00

The most fundamental aspect of being alive is the pulsation of breath and energy through our bodies. This can be the obvious pulsation of the chest lungs and diaphragm in breathing; the rhythm of the heart muscles and the surge of blood; or the subtle rhythm of the fluid around the brain. Finer pulsations of life are the streamings of energy in the body like a small bubbling stream, or what the Kashmir Shavite tradition of tantra calls spanda usually translated as trembling.

In the bodies of untraumatised young children it is easy to see this quality of pulsation. By the time most get to adulthood this is lost. The body has become hardened against pulsation or disorganised so it is chaotic or uninhabited so that it is too loose and unenergised. Traditionally in body psychotherapy the various ways we loose our fluid pulslation and flow are called character structures. They then imprison us for many years and we come to identify with them. We think this is who I am and remain trapped deep inside. Both body psychotheapy and tantra aim to re-establish this pulsation and flow. For some this means working with the pulsation through breath, sound, movement and perhaps touch in massage. For other people is is more about bringing awareness back to the energy. Tantra is about this dance of energy or aliveness and awareness. Energy being considered as Shakti kundalini and awareness as Shiva consciousness. From this dance of Shakti and Shiva all life and aliveness comes.

Raoul Moat who shot himself at the weekend was described as a man-mountain and from the photo I saw had the typical build (which I associate with bouncers) of a very short thick neck and dense body which looked as if compressed as though they had been shouldering a heavy weight for many years.This is a typical maoschistic character structure and caries within it a huge amount of rage for the suppression they experienced when very young. In a society which valued movement, pulsation, aliveness, expression and emotion there would be many less with such a structure and such rage which can burst out fatally. The alternative to celebrating and supporting the dance of Shakti and Shiva is death.

I have no dad and nobody cares about me

2010-07-12T22:03:00.004+01:00

Just over a month after the last blog about Derrick Bird, here is another on the same theme of men's pain and isolation in Raoul Moat's final lament before he shot himself at the weekend. He wasn't psychotic or even inarticulate - he wrote a 49 page letter. He was just deeply deeply troubled and unhappy without a good enough foundation in life. It is probably the usual story of insufficient quality mothering and lack of a father and then a life with inadequate internal resources, where too much had gone wrong. He was, like Derrick Bird, faced with a lack of real intimacy and no apparent means of getting any.

When will people realise that good therapy can help? The usual cliché that women see therapists and men see probation officers and alcohol counsellors probably applies. More support for parents, widely available support for couples, good skilled psychotherapy and above all building a culture in which men can be real and intimate and feel valued as men would stop most of the killing and much of the pain. By good skilled psychotherapy I don't mean a few sessions of counselling with volunteers or a session with the prison chaplain but the sort of individual and group therapy which can get to the roots of psychological pain and make a fundamental difference. Therapy has been around for well over a hundred years but in Britain it is still marginalised, misunderstood and laughed at. I have spent some of each week for the last 20 years training therapists and counsellors. With the new cuts in public expenditure you can be pretty sure that the military, and the pharmaceutical industry will suffer less than the tiny amount of real therapy in the NHS. As for going privately, many men spend more on drink in a week than the weekly cost of therapy.

Desperation and Destruction

2010-06-04T08:57:00.001+01:00

The horrific rampage of Derrick Bird in Cumbria is thankfully very rare. It does tell us something about life, intimacy and men. He was not mentally ill, or schizophrenic or hearing voices commanding him to do this. Something which had been inhibiting him snapped and he put in to motion a sort of plan he had been developing over a long time; to kill himself. This was a suicide, but on the way he wanted to get his revenge and show his anger and desperation. The largest groups for actual suicide (not suicide attempts) is men in their 50's. Although he was not described as a loner, ( like many of the others who have done similar outrages), it is obvious from the newspaper reports that his relationships had gone wrong; with women, the mother of his second child had left 15 years ago, problems in Thailand in attempts at intimacy and connection with women, possible problems resulting in his leaving work at Sellafield and finally, what was probably the last straw, falling out with some of his fellow cab-drivers. The issue here is friendships, intimacy and a satisfying sexual and emotional life. This supports men who do not have self-esteem from work achievement. He was described as friendly but I doubt if that is a sign of real closeness. Although this is important for everyone; when men reach their 50's and don't have this for whatever reason, then they often decline into low-level depression or into alcoholism. Several times in China in the last few years men have gone beserk with knives in similar attacks and I expect the general picture was the same. They often have a feeling of being left out or left behind by life and by progress and with no real intimacy. This is why I work professionally and personally at intimacy and the barriers we create against it.

Replaying

2010-06-01T22:41:00.001+01:00

Alice Miller died a couple of weeks ago in her 80's. As a psychoanalyst and then as a writer she is best known for her fierce championing of the rights of children and her brilliant books. In her book entitled Breaking Down the Wall of Silence, she looks at the childhood of Hitler, Stalin, and other tyrants and finds there the roots of their later tyranny. To a large extent, the oppression we receive in childhood, is first repressed as a memory and acted out in adult life in the personal and in the social and political realms. Today the actions of Israel in intercepting the convoy for Gaza are in the headlines. All these actions and the decisions around them and all of Israel's policies towards Gaza are done by the children and grandchildren of the Holocaust. It is no wonder, from the perspective of Alice Miller and her lifelong work; that they created in Gaza a giant concentration camp. What we cannot heal; we enact. It is the tragedy of human history. I often feel that the work we do in individual healing is so small compared to the collective trauma, however healing creates a different resonance in the field. I hope the ripples can spread.

Where are they coming from - The politics of chakras

2010-04-22T07:58:00.002+01:00

Here in Britain we are being subject to the five yearly barrage by politicians called a General Election campaign. It isn't difficult to be cynical about it all. When people are cynical it is often associated with recent events like the scandals over MP's expenses. It is much deeper than that.

How we live together on one small island is a deeply moral question and the only truly moral system of political thought we ever had was called socialism. This disappeared a generation ago under the combined weight of the arrival of what was called "New Labour" helped by Mrs Thatcher's destruction of the Trade Unions. Since then all moral discourse in politics stopped and we have been offered options to elect economic managers not politicians. We have been asked who best to manage a system whose only morality is "The Market" and a system which is devastating the entire planet. The fall of the Iron Curtain meant that there was no counter, however inadequate to the rapacious greed of global capitalism. All that followed was so predictable; the scandals of companies like Enron trading non existent goods, rogue traders like Nik Leeson, the banking collapse and bailout, junk bonds and roulette banking and now the emergence of China as an aggressive capitalist country ever - at least on the world stage. It now owns half of the American government in financial bonds!

So what are we to do? Cynicism and apathy play in to their hands. The election of President Obama gave many at least a glimmer of hope. Ask politicians moral questions about real values. We don't want managers of a flawed system; but real change. See in terms of their energy where they are coming from. Which chakra dominates? Is it the first three chakras about greed, ego, image and material goods? Look at their body language rather than listening to their words. Use your intuition and instincts. What level of consciousness are they coming from? Beware of anyone who seems to be trying to bribe you with promises of how much more money you are about to get. Talk to them about about "defence", nuclear weapons, third world aid, the culture of targets which is destroying education, health and welfare services, talk about global justice and above all talk about the well-being of the whole planet and its delicate ecosystem. Don't believe the lie that a hung Parliament would be a bad thing in Britain. It just might force politicians to talk to each other and work together not just score points off each other like overgrown schoolboys.

A long time ago the great economist, John Maynard Keynes wrote in Economic Possibilities for Our Grandchildren; "There will also be great changes in our morals. I see us free to return to some of the most sure and certain principles of religion and traditional virtue - that avarice is a vice, that usury is a misdemeanor, and the love of money is detestable. We shall honour those who can teach us how to pluck the hour and the day virtuously and well, the delightful people who are capable of taking direct enjoyment in things." . We are still waiting!

Holy Smoke (1999)

2010-03-05T10:40:00.014Z

This is an interesting and complex film by Jane Campion which explores spirituality and sexuality. It stars Kate Winslet as Ruth a young beautiful woman from a pretty dysfunctional Australian outback family who goes to India and meets a guru in an ashram and falls in love with that spiritual, peaceful life. Her family trick her in to coming home and then hire an elderly American to de-programme her from the cult (as they see it). Most of the action on the film takes places over three days with the two of them in an isolated house in the Australian desert. It is intense, emotional, erotic and very charged.

The turning point comes when he awakens to the flames of her burning her white sari. This is also symbolically the fire of kundalini awakening in her. He goes out and she is completely naked in the desert. She pees standing, showing she is letting go (water also symbolises the Svadisthana, the second chakra) and then she seduces him. He is not able to meet her powerful awakening sexuality. She realises that she can't get close to people and he shows her something about the need for simple kindness. It gets more complex still when she puts lipstick on him and dresses him as a woman not just to defeat his machismo but to open him to deeper sexuality than conquering. She initiates him into deeper spiritual sexuality and he sees her as a goddesss. It ends a year later with her back in India with a more grounded spirituality which includes sexuality.

Tiruvanamali - what dies?

2010-02-17T07:54:00.010Z

In January and February in Tiruvanamali, it is the satsang season. Some great teachers come, including the lovely Mooji (www.mooji.org) and the very skilful teacher, Miranda McPherson (www.awakeningwithmiranda.com). It draws many hundreds of Westerners to the sacred mountain of Arunachala with the ashram of Ramana Maharshi at its foot. Indians don't seem to be that interested in these satsangs. The Westerners range from some accomplished practitioners of meditation and self-enquiry (Ramana's method), via many earnest seekers after Truth; to the seriously lost and confused. Some have come mainly to party, avoid their life and drift around India for as long as possible.

I met a beautiful, intelligent young French woman who had been living for several months in a cave high on the mountain. She came to Arunachala to die and seemed a little disappointed that she hadn't died. I believe that as a teenager she attempted suicide a few times and that wouldn't be surprised if that didn't include the slow suicide of anorexia. I suggested to her that La petite mort est mieux que la grand mort (orgasm is better than death) in the hope that she would wake up to the difference between physical death with its wish to separate from the body; and the letting go of the small controlling ego which knows only fear. Surrender into the body, into life and into love is what is appropriate for women in their 20's not trying to kill themselves. Ego death and physical death are very different and the confusion is behind some suicide attempts; whether the exotic spiritual ones, or the more usual attempts. Tantra is clear on all this - practice letting go into the life of the body, the sexual life of pleasure and bliss. Do this with great with great awareness. Tantra is as old as Advaita and not opposed to it. So much of the spiritual teaching of India, including Advaita Vedanta and yoga teachers are only interested in the top three chakras of the body; heart, throat and third eye!

Arunachala is very connected to Ramana Maharshi's life giving Advaita teaching and his powerful method of self enquiry (Who Am I?). The problem with this is that it is only one method and doesn't suit all. It tends to the ascetic and non-relational. If I am consciousness without any limits then there can be nothing outside to relate to. Ramana's main relationships (apart form his mother whom he tried to get away from but she came along anyway) were with Arunachala, the mountain itself and with a cow! The 20' and 30' something people; particularly the women, need to connect to their bodies, their senses, their sensuality and their sexuality and celebrate life. Most will be in relationship and have children. The only method their are being taught - self enquiry, doesn't acknowledge or relate in any way to that and by omission gives a life of asceticism and internal enquiry. They also don't realise that in India many of these spiritual practices were for men over 50 who had already had a career and brought up a family. Tantra teaches methods which embrace life, relationships and the world as part of a spiritual practice. See (www.tantra.uk.com). Perhaps we should run some tantra taster workshops near Arunachala next satsang season!

Happy Shivaratri and Chinese New Year

2010-02-17T07:38:00.003Z

Mahashivaratri is one of the four biggest festivals in India. It is the night of the new moon when Shiva and Parvarti got married and a celebration of Shiva and consciousness. In Arunachala, the sacred mountain of Shiva in Tamil Nadu near the huge Shiva Temple at Tiruvanamali, many people practised giriparadakshina, the 14 km walk around the mountain. Around midnight we came to the 28 storey tower at the main entrance to the temple. It was not as crowded as we had expected. There we learnt that earlier that afternoon, some pandits or priests had announced that Mahashivaratri was postponed and would now be celebrated a (lunar) month later! It could only happen in India, which gives such wonderful opportunities to let go of expectations and of control and to surrender to the glorious chaos of it all. Happy Chinese New Year - the year of the Tiger. At least they didn't cancel that.

Kumbh!

2010-02-08T07:30:00.005Z

Right now in Haridwar in Northern India the Maha Kumbh is on, sometimes called the Kumbh Mela. It happens every three years and is a huge religious fetival of bathing in the sacred Ganges river to remove suffering and karma. It is huge - think a hundred times the size of the Glastonbury Festival. I am fortunately a long way away in South India.

A Kumbh is a pot which in Hindu mythology contains the nectar of immortality. It was in the depths of the ocean and when they stirred the ocean to try and retrieve it, the waters started to release many treasures as well as evil elements. Some poison escaped which threatened to contaminate the entire universe. At that crucial moment Shiva stepped in and swallowed the poison with one large gulp. He held it in his throat and as a result his whole body turned to a deep shade of blue. The waters of immortality from the Kumbh in the Ganges cleanse the soul and body on the ten ritual bathing days of the festival when many millions immerse themselves in the Ganges.

So why write this? Kumbh is a pot or container which holds the netar of immortality. Also in India there is a fire ritual done in a Havan Kund a fire pit where the sacred fire is honoured through mantras and offerings. The word we have from Medieval english which comes from these two words? Cunt! In tantra we often use the word yoni which in Sanskrit means sacred place or altar but we could well be reminded that the Old English (I think it is found in Chaucer) conncects directly with the ancient traditions and myths being honoured now in Haridwar. There are tantric texts which say that a man can become enlightened just by meditating on the yoni. You could start by meditating on it for one lunar cycle - 28 days. Now you didn't get homework like that when you were at school! Namaste from Tiruvanamali.

Whats Really Real

2010-01-18T11:12:00.006Z

December 25th is not a particularly significant day for me since my children grew up. Christmas, at last the shopping is over and for most shop workers they can have a day off before the next shopfest of the sales. It is a rather arbitrary day other than that an a hugely elaborated Christmas story. The Winter Solstice a few days earlier is significant for me; the longest night and then the slow ascent of the sun as warmth, light and consciousness. In our tantric temple, at the exact time of the Solstice, I got out the homa, the inverted copper pyramid, and did the agni hotra ritual of chanting and offerings to the fire and the sun for its return and its gifts.

Its the same with New Years eve. Its just the calendar changing; arbitrary numbers - a totally human construction. Except this New Year's eve was different; it was a full moon and a partial lunar eclipse. I went to a ritual where we meditated to music for the ten Wisdom Goddesses.

About a week ago the date was 10/01/10 which some found significant. I don't. Its just numbers! And in a couple of years we have 2012 when so many seem to think a great change will come as the Mayans or someone said the world would end. My prophecy for 2012 is that it will be followed by 2013. Since calendars were invented people have been fascinated by the end of time. It blinds them to the present moment. Time unfolds, there is only the present, everything is important and nothing is really significant. Be here now.

Satyananda Saraswati Founder of the Bihar School of Yoga has died

2009-12-06T14:37:00.004Z

Yesterday Satyananda Saraswati, the founder of the Bihar School of Yoga died. He was born in 1923 and founded the School in 1964. His book on Kundalini Tantra is a classic. The Bihar School is the closest to a large tantric teaching foundation that was possible in modern India with its puritanical dislike for some of the aspects of tantra. In reality his teachings cross between tantra , and Vedanta. They are actually very different teachings, with opposing principles but sometime a blend is as close as we can get. He gave us many practices to do with energy and was a great yogi. His mahasamadhi can remind us to find our own inner, and perhaps outer Gurus for we need all the help we can get on the path of tantra.

Surrender

2009-05-12T09:11:00.004+01:00

To the military and in common parlance, "surrender" means you have been defeated and have to give up. In spiritual practice it means to let go and to allow something other than our usual selves to guide us. The difference between giving up and letting go is huge. Letting go is of course all about trust. Trusting in something to look after us, or that the process is benign. Such trust and surrender is a feature of the higher chakras in the body. The first three chakras (the base, the sexual and the belly) are mostly to do with survival in the world. To do that in evolutionary terms it is better to fight, never surrender and not trust anyone or anything very much. Moving up the body, the heart, as usual is the transformer to higher states and connections to others, nature, the universe and the divine. For all of these we have to let go of some control, we have to allow in the other or even immerse ourselves in it. The raindrop surrenders to the ocean.

India - some final thoughts.

2009-04-16T13:44:00.014+01:00

I'm back home! I left England in the depth of a January winter I have come back to the miracle of Spring - greener and with more flowers than I ever saw in India.

So how can I summarise India? It is more of a continent than a country and inevitably I only saw a little of it. I spent very little time in large cities, but I did travel from the very southernmost tip of India, up to the foothills of the Himalayas in three months.

It has changed in the twelve years since I was there last. It is more crowded. Everyone seems to have a mobile phone - there are 350 millions mobiles in India. Bottled water and the resulting plastic bottles are everywhere along with plastic bags. Often, with no bins or means of rubbish collection, plastic lies everywhere, and is eaten by cows or burnt releasing toxins.

It is a country without atheists where spirituality suffuses everything. A sense of the sacred is everywhere. It is also a country full of contradictions; I saw a woman perform her sacred Ganges worship and then throw her bag of rubbish into the river. It is impossible to separate deep spirituality from habit and superstition. The line between politicians, Bollywood film stars and Gods is blurred. By the side of the road there can be a coloured concrete statue of a local politician complete with sunglasses. Motorcycles can have five or six people on them without any sign of a crash helmet. Traffic is so chaotic that it is a wonder that the very high death rate isn't even higher (at present about 140,000 a year killed). Air pollution in cities is awful and getting much worse as more families get cars. Of course this chaos is also vibrant aliveness with the vivid colours of the saris and the flowers alongside the dilapidated paintwork and rubbish.

However, I wasn't there primarily as a tourist. In the South I was mostly learning mantras, attending satsangs and seeing Shiva temples. In Varanasi I was meditating, performing pujas and learning more of Kashmir Shavism; and in Rishikesh I was learning and practicing tantra-yoga. All drawing from the vast spiritual heritage of India. The Dravidian culture in the South going back perhaps over 7,000 years; Varanasi having been a spiritual centre by the Ganges for over 4,000 years; and Kashmir Shavism, only being written by Abhinavagupta a thousand years ago is a compliation of spiritual pratices and wisdom developed and elaborated over many thousands of years.

The high point of India tantric culture was about a thousand years ago. Society then was positive about sexuality and women, there was a vibrant culture. All civilisations rise and then decline and for India the immediate cause was the Muslim invasion, followed by the Portugese and finally the Puritan British colonisation. Temples and statues were destroyed, women had to wear saris and finally the India middle class became more puritanical than the British campaigning to ban devadasi, the temple dancers.

There is a sense of a culture in decline now which industrialising and having call centres and more computer programmers than America won't arrest. If I had to put my money on India or China, I would choose China despite it having an aging population whereas India has a population where three quarters are under 40. The pressure of overpopulation and pollution together with the pervasive poitical corruption and administrative inertia is everywhere. It is a beautiful country but behind it all I feel a sadness at the lack of interest and curiosity most Indians have in their own cultural heritage. Perhaps it is only through foreigners' interest that they can re-learn what a precious jewel they have.

The Mind

2009-04-03T16:29:00.006+01:00

Part two. The second word that is confusing if you work both in the psychotherapy world and the spiritual world is the word "mind". In the therapy world, it primarily means the brain; even though for the last couple of decades now we have realised through neuroscience that the brain and the mind are not exactly the same. For example there is neural tissue and synapses in the gut to such an extent that some people think of it as a second brain. There are, I believe more neuro-receptors for serotonin in the belly than in the brain. This is why we have "gut instincts". Anyway the mind usually means things to do with thinking, memory and mental processes like projection, transferences, defences. The mind is often contrasted with the body even though now, everyone pays at least lip-service to the idea that they are not just connected but inseparably united.

In the spiritual world the word "mind" is used to include much more than the brain and thoughts. We can easily find texts saying for example; that the ego and the mind are the same thing; that the body is created by the flow of mind; that mind is a blockage. It is a very expanded use of the word mind. It also reminds me of the seventies slogan, "Get out of your mind and come to you senses". Mind is confused with all that is undesirable and is contrasted with a real, authentic natural life of the body, senses and emotions. I was always struck by the contradiction that people who claimed to be wholistic wanted to cut off part of the person!

The problem of couse is that mind is confused with the use of thinking as a defence. It is often, in the west, used this way. How often do you have an original thought? Probably not many each day if you are honest. Thinking is often, repetative, ruminative, a rehersal of what we will say or what we should have said, a way or raking over past hurts or planning future triumphs. On the other hand we get mindless violence and I suggest that those in the crowd at Hilter's Nuremberg rallies could have usefully reflected on what they were part of rather than mindlessly getting swept up in the rhetoric and the emotion. I wish people would think more when they look at TV adverts.

In the splendid sweep of Kashmir Shavism there are 36 tattvas or levels of creation. Manas, Buddhi and Ahamakara are three which translate as mind, intellect and ego respectively. So there are right uses of the mind; curiosity is one. Discrimination is another, the ability to tell the difference between what is true and helpful and what is not; gold from iron. So aside from slogans about loosing our mind we have to discriminate. There is the conditioned mind, similar to the ego which loves distinctions, differences, debate. It can't survive the fierceness of the present moment and is best at separating us from the now and from others - when at a deeper level we need to be present and connect with them. At its best, the mind is designed to serve not to lead. It is not who we are but is definitely a necessary tool to have in the world. It is part of us. But only a part; and in Kashmir Shavism is one or two of the 36 tattvas of Creation. Looked at another way, the highest, chakra (energy centre), in the body is Ajna, the third eye, at the centre of the forehead (the Crown Chakra is above the head). Its balance, balances all the chakras in the body. It is the centre for intellect, discrimination and, with the heart, creates compassion. Esoterically, the centre of the head, the cave of Brahman is where the Kundalini Shakti unites with Shiva. Come to your higher mind!

Choose Both!

2009-04-03T16:03:00.008+01:00

Many years ago I heard someone ask the Dali Lama at a meeting in London which was better, meditation or psychotherapy and he said with his characteristic simplicity "Therapy good, meditation good, choose both". I work in the fields of therapy and spiritual practice so I agree. But there is one problem. These two fields; psychotherapy and spiritual practice use the same words in different ways which can lead to huge confusion for people working with both and lots of unnecessary disagreements.

The most notoriously difficult word is the word "ego". Many spiritual teachers and texts both ancient and modern do not have a good word to say for the ego. It is the source of all greed, pride, anger, desire; virtually every known evil! They want their practices to destroy the evil ego. In the psychotherapy world we recognise many people with a weak ego and some therapy practices aim to strengthen the ego. The word ego was what was used to translate Freud's' "Ich" into English. Freud just said "I". The ego is our sense of personal identity, needed for our passport and credit card. At a basic level it starts as a necessary identification by the small baby with its body and its skin as a boundary between I and not-I. If you do not have this in life you are in trouble and would probably be labeled psychotic. The ego also mediates between the internal world and the outer world. It is our ego which allows us to plan a meal, buy the ingredients, consult the cook book and cook it. Without a strong enough ego we can't do these things and deal with life and the world. However, the problem, and why the spiritual camp don't like the ego is that we over-identify with it. We have a body, and senses and emotions and thoughts but we are not them as we can witness them from somewhere else. The problem is the small ego, the limited identification which keeps us from expanding into a bigger sense of who we really are. It is good to think of the ego as one end of a bridge and at the other end is the Self, or essence: who we really are. The job of a teacher, therapist or guru it to recognise the small ego, perhaps to strengthen it enough to then lead it over the bridge to the luminous Self. It is not helpful for many people who are attracted in early life to spiritual practice to keep slagging off the ego. They need it. It is like a crutch for someone with a broken leg; necessary but temporary. It may be best to think of, and treat the ego as a the Self-in-hiding. Ultimately, as Mooji said, "We are all stage-names of the Divine!". In the next blog I will write about the other word that causes difficulties, the mind.

Many monks, many methods

2009-03-21T06:27:00.003Z

Namaste, I'm in Rishikesh the "Yoga Capital of the World" in the foothills of the Himalayas where the Ganges is still comparatively clean and fast-flowing between forested hills. There's a lot of yoga here...many ashrams and many courses.

In the West yoga has been marketed as a health and fitness aid..yoga for bums and tums and to stay trim, flexible and healthy. A sort of cleaned up version of yoga has been imported into the West for a long time - since Swami Vivekananda went to the West in the 1890's. It has been stripped of its tantric part and then cleaned up and stripped of its central core as a spiritual practice. The tantra had already been pushed well underground from eight hundred years of occupation of India by Muslim, Portugese and then British puritans. For example Vivekananda's guru was Ramakrishna who certainly practised Bhairava tantric rites that your average Sunday school teacher wouldn't approve of.

Swami Satyananda Saraswati, Founder of the Bihar School of Yoga wrote ..."yoga and tantra are in essence the same system......tantra is the mother and yoga is the son......asanas and pranayama form a most essential part of the tantric system."

There are thousands of books on yoga and varities; Jhana Yoga, Bhakti Yoga, Karma Yoga, Raja Yoga, Hatha Yoga, Laya Yoga, Kundalini Yoga, Tantra Yoga, Kriya yoga, Japa Yoga, Iyengar Yoga, Vinyasa Yoga, Ashtanga Yoga, Bikram Yoga and many more. Patanjali was the first to write any of the practices down, about two thousand years ago. In his sutras (which were not text full of illustrations of how to tie your body in knots!) , he makes clear that the purpose of yoga is meditation and the purpose of meditation is to realise Atman; union with the Divine. Manifesting the resonance between the microcosm of your body and the macrocosm of the universe. Its not about health or even about energy. Yoga should therefore be done with eyes closed as an interior practice focusing on the chakra or the internal flow of subtle energy sensations.

The West, of course as a materialistic culture wants material results; a better shaped body, better stamina, more flexibility or a longer life. These may be a by-product of yoga but they are not the point. When westerners came to India they wanted yoga from the predominantly Vedanta-based ashrams. So the ashrams obliged their rich customers; but the Vedantic tradition of India is opposed to tantra. Vedanta is only interested in the top three chakras. Vedanta was religion for generally intellectual Brahmin males. So yoga gets again restricted.

Anyway, back to all these varieties of yoga. It is simple, they all suit different sorts of people. Tantra and yoga are very pragmatic. Jhana Yoga and also some of the Kashmir Shavite practices are best for people who are more intellectual; Bhakti Yoga, the yoga of love and surrender to the Divine is best for people who are naturally centred in their hearts, Karma Yoga is great for those intersted in the social and political world around them Mahatma Gandhi was a great Karma Yogi. Of course the greatest and first yogi was Shiva. Whatever you practice do it fully, regularly and with awareness. The best practices are always the ones closest to your natural interests. From them great bliss will arise.

The Shivalingam

2009-03-13T14:23:00.004Z

It's pretty amazing to be in a city where the lingam is everywhere. Walking by the Ganges, or through the narrow alleyways of the old city of Varanasi; in alcoves, in little shrines, glimpsed through windows and doorways or embedded in the pavement are shivalinga. They do not represent the phallus, or vajra (penis) - it is the other way round. The phallus is a particular form of the symbol (Jung would call it an archetype) of the lingam which represents Shiva and is a reminder of the vertical dimension of life; the connection with Spirit.

Even more amazing is that they are not dusty old relics of a bygone age. Most, are freshly decorated with flowers and colours. In the recent festival of Mahashivaratri they are annointed with Ganges water, milk, curd, flowers, garlands. Some are tenderly dressed like precious children.

In the West anything that could connect with associations to the lingam is either ridiculed, shamed, shunned or analysed in reductive Freudian terms. The celebration of anything like this we have left is the Maypole; not long now till May day!

Tantra. Vedanta

2009-02-20T04:59:00.004Z

As a change from the travellogue I thought I would write a bit about the shastras, the scriptures and the view they give. It seems to me that there is a clear division between the tantric scriptures and those of Vedanta. The situation is confusing as words are translated in many different ways. In much Vedanta teaching there is little good to say about the mind and the ego. Both are the source of delusion and illusion and only serve to separate us from the Divine. They perpetuate maya the illusory world experienced through the senses. The best we can do is withdraw from having anything to do with thoughts or the mind and seeing everything as an illusion, rest in consciousness.

The tantric view, is different. It is developed most fully in the Kashmir Shavite tradition. The greatest exponent was Abhinavagupta about 900 years ago in works such as Tantraloka. For him, the world is not an illusion to be shunned. Everything is real and everything can lead us to God-consciousness. All things are within consciousness and can only be discovered through reflective awareness with the mind. Shiva's power is consciousness which sustains everything. There are some aspects of the mind such discriminating wisdom and curiosity which are important. The problem with the ego is twofold. Firstly, we tend to from childhood identify the ego with the body and secondly take that as a primary identification so we think we are our body or that we are our thoughts. This universe is Lord Shiva's work of art; not maya. Enjoy it.

City of Light

2009-02-19T07:24:00.005Z

Its five thirty in the morning and for the first time in India, I feel cold despite a fleece. The crescent moon is still high in the night sky waning towards the New Moon for the festival of Mahashivaratri here in Kashi (also called Varanasi and by the British , Benares) in a few days time. A few bright candles float down the Ganges in front of me. To my right a fire flares as a chai stall wallah lights his fire for the first brew of the day. In the distance I can see the fires of the main burning ghat as more bodies are dispached, fortunate enought to be burnt next to the Ganges at Varanasi - every Hindu's wish. This city of Shiva is where he traditionally appeared as an infinite pillar of fire to win the contest between Shiva, Visnu and Brahman. It is called the shining city and is full of shivalingams every few yards in the street. Nearly allways with some fresh flowers or bel leaves on it. We are more used to associating fire with Shakti as the fire of kundalini than Shiva the fire, from his third eye which can turn opponents to ash. The boatmen are coming now, looking for trade. The dobhi wallahs are starting their day of thrashing the dirt out of clothes in the river. The sky ahead becomes redder, soon the sun will rise it will warm up and I can chant the Gyatri mantra to start the day.
Namaste. Sat, Chit Ananada; truth, consciousness and bliss.

Who Am I?

2009-02-12T11:12:00.006Z

Ramana Maharshi's basic method for realising the Self was one of Self-Enqiry. It was how he at the age of 16 became enligthened. With any experience we have from out mind - a thought or a feeling we can do one of four things; we can suppress it, we can express it, we can witness it or we can ask the question, who is it that is experiencing this? For many people suppressing feelings is how they were brought up and it is a great liberation when they give themselves permission to do the opposite and express. This permission may come from therapy or from being in an environment which supports them. More energy is liberated this way.

But tantra is always about the dance of energy and awareness. Eventually we realise that just expressing can lead to personal chaos and more stuckness as we can easily become addicted to the dramas. So we move towards the witenssing of feelings and thoughts; more like a meditation. However the more we sit as a witness the more things there are to witness (Mooji said that the actors only come on stage when the audience is there! http://www.mooji.org/ ). The process of true liberation comes when we turn from the seductive play of phenomena, as if a mirror is put in front of our face, and ask, "Who is it that is experiencing this?". If this is done the mind quietens and a spacious sense of "I am" arises. It is a spaciousness that is not empty but full of bliss. Finally the "I AM" expands as AM, loosing the personal sense of I. Only Existence remains. This is it. Thre are many ways of quietening the mind and coming to a space of being. Using mantra is one way. Of course I like using the energy of the body through touch and breathing to do the same. In erotic trance and expanded orgasmic states we can experience this dissolving in to Existence and it can open up the question Who Am I?

Namaste from India. Next week I am in the City of Shiva - Varanasi.

Arunachala

2009-02-10T12:52:00.002Z

It's twilight and above me the sacred mountain of Arunachal is becoming a silhouette against the sky, a mountain older than the Himalayas, dedicated to Shiva. In its caves over thousands of years many have realised enlightenment or samadhi. Ramana Maharshi lived on this mountain in modern times. It is the eve of the full moon and hundreds of thousands of people are walking aound the mountain, though it feels more like walking though a long funfair of stalls with small temples every few yards. Some walk in silence, many are in groups chattering excitedly. At other times, some even roll around the mountain for all of its 14km circumference. I walked alone a week earlier in the early morning chanting all the way Om Namah Shivaaya and singing Arunachala Shiva. The cave where Ramana lived for several years is particularly powerful and we were able to chant in there, the vibrations of the chants filling our heads and bodies shaking out thoughts to create luminous space to dissolve in to. All spiritual practices require some way of stilling thoughts to allow the spaciousness of being to a recognised and mantra is a particularly powerful way to do this (see www.mantra-yoga.com) . Ramana at the end of the ninteenth century experienced sahaja samadhi (spontaneous awakening) when he was sixteen years old and from that experience developed Self-Enquiry as a method to realise the Self. It is simple to enquire in the identity of the experiencer. Can the seer be seen? We so readily get caught up in the experiences or try and become the witnesser of the experience and never enquire into the nature and reality of the expereincer.

India is a great place to practice this. Old distractions are muted and the sheer intensity of the experiences in the present moment make it easier to stay present and then, as if putting a mirror in front, look for the reality of the experiencer. So who walked around the great mountain of Arunachala? And were they separate from the mountain and the crowds.?

Pilgrimage

2008-12-30T17:19:00.008Z

I am off to India for a three month visit! Yippee! It is a sort of pilgrimage. Like all pilgrimages it is an outer journey which is a reflection of an inner journey. The inner journey is towards deeper self-knowledge and connection with the Self an inward journey to a Divine core; a central tantric insight, actually that of all mystical traditions, that the way to the Divine is within.

In particular it is a journey to discover a better understanding of the deep masculine; Shiva at my core. In the West we have had such a distorted conception of the masculine for so long, partly from two

world wars last century and then the reactions against them, that so many men and women have no idea of what a man is. After; being told that we are all potential rapists, then just used as sperm and then cash donors, then given role models such as professional footballers who are permanently juvenile and now portrayed in almost every TV sitcom for the last twenty years as emotionally teenage; men are pretty confused. Much tantra in Britain seems to be based on the idea that tantra is workship of the divine feminine and that men should just get on with that. This is a long way from most classical conceptions of the relationship of Shiva and Shakti. I shall be in Varanasi, the city of Shiva and the oldest continuously inhabited city in the world, for Mahashivaratri, the great festival of Shiva at the end of February and also studying and practicing from the Kashmir Shavite tantric tradtion there.

I am also going to further my study and practice of mantras for healing. Particularlymantras that are chanted on to the body to release the trauma and blocks in the body. To begin, I will be in Tamil Nadu. The people of South India are desecended from the Dravidian people who lived in India before the Aryans took over several thousand years ago. The Shiva temples of the South are ancient and full of power. I will visit the five Shiva temples in the South which are connected to the five elements; earth water, fire, air and space. Whilst there, I will be doing a tantric meditation of seeing the whole of the world; every sense-aspect, every phenomena, as the opposite gender. This is easier in India which has a lot of feminine energy. So for me, everything is Shakti, to be honoured, worshiped and connected to with passion, presence and awareness.

I may write more on this blog as I travel; but right now, I am not sure. Writing can serve to distract from being immersed in the experience. Shiva, consciousness is very much about awakening to what is; not writing commentaries on it. Either way, I am back by Easter.

Winter Solstice

2008-12-22T14:28:00.005Z

Yesterday was the Winter Solstice, the sun at the lowest point in the sky; the night longest and the day shortest. In our ritual, we chanted "Om Namah Shiva" 108 times to Shiva the God of light - his lingham is often translated as "wand of light". We dropped yellow rose petals on to the giant lingham outside and they were carried down on the waters outside our temple, symbolising light returning.

Ancient peoples, at Stonehenge and elswhere, marked the mid-winter solstice with rituals to persuade the sun to return so that fertility would continue; there would be a Spring, plants would grow again, animals would reproduce again and life could continue. This is part of the link between tantra and paganism; the deep spiritual link between sex, reproduction and the fertility of nature. The shadow of the heel tone would penetrate the womb of the circle of stones marking the commitment of the sky god to fertilise the earth. It was then, and still is, a great Mystery. Reverance for Life is not an option; it is the basis for all spirituality

Erotica 2008

2008-11-24T14:25:00.010Z

I went to Erotica 2008 at Olympia in London at the weekend. It wasn't very erotic! There is something about trailing around past lots of stands which exercises the feet and legs not the genitals or the mind. Its always this way - it was the same at the Yoga Show and the Festival of Mind Body and Spirit. As the venue has to be commercial, and as a decent stand costs a few thousand pounds for the three day event; it can only attract the high-profit commercial sector.

The real problem is that a show can only show easily what is on the outside, the exterior of what is a very interior world. What is erotic is a space in our mind, in our imagination and perhaps in our energy. What is shown are corsets, whips, jewelry and bondage gear. The external paraphenalia of a hidden world, of internal dramas. Only the art exhibits could point beyond themsleves to the inner world of the artist - and there were some lovely statues and pictures. The floor show, and we only saw one hour of it was more like circus and acrobatics; very skilled but any traditional Indian dancer would have been more erotic.

What is most erotic is what is hidden, or hinted at, rather than seen. Like a stripper; what is hidden is more interesting than what is exposed. The erotic has immense power and if you are in touch with your erotic energy you can tap in to this power; So, for you; what is really erotic? Can you experience your erotic energy as it moves in our body? Bringing awareness to your aliveness is the basic prescription for living; as well as the shortest definition of tantra. My work as an erotic healer, and tantric masseur as well as a therapist is all about this and removing the blockages to living from our erotic self.

Are you your tension?

2008-10-26T21:04:00.008Z

There are two sorts of tension we can experience in our body. If we can easily feel that we are tense, then it is usually from a recent or current event in our environment. Somone shouts at us, or deadlines loom or we feel overwhelmed by emails......life really. This is a sign to us to deal with our stress,....relax, breath rest...all the things we know we should do and are good for us.

There is another sort of tension in our muscles which is so old, so familiar that it feels like us. It has structured our bodies and made us into the shape that we think is us, is normal, is who we actually are. This chronic tension is invisible to us and proabably happened in the first five years of life as the impact of our upbrinding and the "civilising" of our parents did its work. This is the really tricky one, our "body armour" our comfy layers of tension and habit which imprision us and stop the free flow of life energy in our bodies. This takes work on ourselves and, dare I say it, therapy and bodywork to gradually dissolve.

Early trauma and abuse leaves this sort of mark. It seems to define the very shape of our body, how we hold our chest or inahbit our bodies, how we breathe. The easiest to spot are people who don't use their diaphragm when they breath. Their chest and someties their shoulders move but not their belly, indicating that the diaphragm is held; sometimes they even suck in their belly as they breath in. Not connecting with our belly, pelvis and sex is a sure way to cut off from our sense of being powerful and fully alive. The good news is that with some perseverance this habit can be changed and a fuller emotional and sexual life started.

How we get wounded

2008-10-02T14:24:00.008+01:00

As babies we need to be mirrored, to experience ourselves and have our needs and desires validated. People generally have no problem in mirroring and validating a baby's need to suck for comfort and nourishment. A feeding baby soon evokes coos of approval. But, when babies and toddlers discover their genitals ... its a different story. Embarassment, distraction, or anger often follow. The child soon gets the message that meeting some of theirneeds is OK and others aren't.

Later as young children, caught in the trianlge with our parents we so much want to be validated by the parent of the opposite sex and not seen as rivals. We need our natural erotic longings to be gently appreciated and also contained and given the message that our genitals are fine as a source of pleasure.

In teens we need the opposite sex parent to give us a message that we are becoming a beautiful young man or woman. We need our delicate (particularly in girls) sense of being a sexual being in a sexual body to be seen and appreciated; but of course not invaded. Often, for fear of being seen as lecherous or fear of their own sexual feelings, fathers push daughters away or try and still see them as little girls or get so protective of them that they give the message that it is dangerousto be a woman. If the mother also doesn't model being a sexual woman who if fine about her body; then the teenager is likely to be psychologically in trouble; still not getting the accurate mirroring and validation needed to get a healthy self-image and body image and to feel good about their sexuality.

In my work I often come across this scenario and provide the permission, validation and healing to enjoy who you really are http://www.shivoham.asia .

Why Do This?

2008-08-05T11:10:00.000+01:00

Is this just vanity publishing I thought to myself; a vain attempt at making something permanent in the shifting virtual world of cyberspace? I don't think so. I want to share some of my experiences of how people can change; as that has been the passion of my professional and personal life through communal living, therapy, personal development workshops, tantra, relationships, inner and outer travel and much more. There is a lot of theory and a lot of experiences - all references to others are heavily annonymised!