Men and why we need them!

Many women’s emotional well-being is dominated by an internal wounded masculine. The job of the masculine is to create a safe space and guard it for the feminine to be in and to witness without judgement. You need your inner mas­­­­­­­culine to do this so that you can let go and your deep feminine can feel and express emotion and radiate love and passion.

Your inner masculine comes from two main places;  your mother’s inner masculine and your father.  So; what do you know of your mother’s father; your maternal grandfather and his life? What was he like as a person? Did you know him and if not what are the stories that are told about him? How did he treat your  mother? He will have lived in the early or middle of the twentieth century;  a century dominated by two world wars and numerous smaller ones. How present was he; physically, emotionally?  He may have been away a lot or absent or he may have been a workaholic and so only around when exhausted, if at all. He may have been an alcoholic and so there but not really there. He may have been traumatised by events and angry or abusive. He may have been scared or dismissive of women because of their intensity or their sexuality or his fear of being helpless in their hands as he was once with his mother.

All of this related to your grandfather unconsciously creates a large part of your inner masculine and to the extent that he was damaged; it will be part of your wounded masculine. The other part comes from your experiences of your father; these are closer to consciousness and the same questions can be asked. How present was he? How whole and healthy? Did he embody the healthy masculine and hold space without judgement? Was he deeply able to accept you as a little girl and as a beautiful sexual teenager?

So these two men; your mother’s father and your father create your inner masculine.  How wounded is he? The more he is wounded the more you have to hold yourself and have a masculine presence in the world which prevents your feminine essence from flourishing.

In our culture there has been much masculine wounding; from wars, from technology which has made  the masculine quality of strength superfluous, from the lack of rites of passage for young men in to adulthood and from lack of positive role models.  It leads men and women to question; what are men for?  The dishonouring of the deep masculine has backfired on women through the damage to their inner masculine which needed to hold and honour their feminine essence.  This interdependence is the "inner marriage" within every person of our masculine and feminine essences to support a full flow of aliveness.

In tantric healing massage, the male tantric practitioner embodies the deep masculine qualities of presence, and from that presence witnesses without judgement and creates safety.  In that safe container the feminine can at long last let go and allow the feminine radiance and vulnerability to flower.  The particular parts to be nurtured, supported and witnessed are the emotions and sexual desire and passion; for these are central to the divine feminine power.  It is this divine feminine power that each women needs to fully embody and that the world desperately needs. 

See www.shivoham.asia for how I work with this, Namaste

Science

My first degree was in Physics and I have always retained a scientific interest particularly in the bridge between conventional science and alternative views.   As a therapist I am well aware of the human tendency to believe what we would like to believe rather then what has been established. The scientific method of slow testing and systematic observation has great value (and also some limitations) and the alternative healing world has too much sheer rubbish in it, where people believe what they want to believe (or sell!) So I loved this piece of research;  (Abstract at ;http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18637995 ) which demonstrates that trained observers can tell with over 80% accuracy from the way a woman walks if she is able to orgasm from vaginal sex rather than clitoral stimulation. The abstract says, "a gait that comprises fluidity, energy, sensuality, freedom, and absence of both flaccid and locked muscles"  indicates an ability to experience deeper vaginal orgasms because the lower back and pelvis are freer for energy to move in. Obvious really but nice when it comes from science. It is also true that for a number of women when they get more aroused then they tend to tense their lower back and thigh muscles - as well as their neck and jaw. So book a good tantric massage now ( www.shivoham.asia) to learn to really let orgasmic energy flow freely in your body! 

Erotica 2008

I went to Erotica 2008 at Olympia in London at the weekend. It wasn't very erotic! There is something about trailing around past lots of stands which exercises the feet and legs not the genitals or the mind. Its always this way - it was the same at the Yoga Show and the Festival of Mind Body and Spirit. As the venue has to be commercial, and as a decent stand costs a few thousand pounds for the three day event; it can only attract the high-profit commercial sector.  

The real problem is that a show can only show easily what is on the outside, the exterior of what is a very interior world. What is erotic is a space in our mind, in our imagination and perhaps in our energy. What is shown are corsets, whips, jewelry and bondage gear. The external paraphenalia of a hidden world, of internal dramas.  Only the art exhibits could point beyond themsleves to the inner world of the artist - and there were some lovely statues and pictures.   The floor show, and we only saw one hour of it was more like circus and acrobatics; very skilled but any traditional Indian dancer would have been more erotic.

What is most erotic is what is hidden, or hinted at, rather than seen. Like a stripper; what is hidden is more interesting than what is exposed.  The erotic has immense power and if you are in touch with your erotic energy you can tap in to this power; So, for you; what is really erotic? Can you experience your erotic energy as it moves in our body?  Bringing awareness to your aliveness is the basic prescription for living; as well as the shortest definition of tantra. My work as an erotic healer, and tantric masseur as well as a therapist is all about this and removing the blockages to living from our erotic self.