Awakening Sexual Aliveness

Here is the recording of a webinar that I have just done with my colleague Cassandra. It has lots of information, particularly directed at women at awakening your sexual aliveness. Do watch it or forward it to anyone.
Awakening Sexual Aliveness Webinar 

Men and why we need them!

Many women’s emotional well-being is dominated by an internal wounded masculine. The job of the masculine is to create a safe space and guard it for the feminine to be in and to witness without judgement. You need your inner mas­­­­­­­culine to do this so that you can let go and your deep feminine can feel and express emotion and radiate love and passion.

Your inner masculine comes from two main places;  your mother’s inner masculine and your father.  So; what do you know of your mother’s father; your maternal grandfather and his life? What was he like as a person? Did you know him and if not what are the stories that are told about him? How did he treat your  mother? He will have lived in the early or middle of the twentieth century;  a century dominated by two world wars and numerous smaller ones. How present was he; physically, emotionally?  He may have been away a lot or absent or he may have been a workaholic and so only around when exhausted, if at all. He may have been an alcoholic and so there but not really there. He may have been traumatised by events and angry or abusive. He may have been scared or dismissive of women because of their intensity or their sexuality or his fear of being helpless in their hands as he was once with his mother.

All of this related to your grandfather unconsciously creates a large part of your inner masculine and to the extent that he was damaged; it will be part of your wounded masculine. The other part comes from your experiences of your father; these are closer to consciousness and the same questions can be asked. How present was he? How whole and healthy? Did he embody the healthy masculine and hold space without judgement? Was he deeply able to accept you as a little girl and as a beautiful sexual teenager?

So these two men; your mother’s father and your father create your inner masculine.  How wounded is he? The more he is wounded the more you have to hold yourself and have a masculine presence in the world which prevents your feminine essence from flourishing.

In our culture there has been much masculine wounding; from wars, from technology which has made  the masculine quality of strength superfluous, from the lack of rites of passage for young men in to adulthood and from lack of positive role models.  It leads men and women to question; what are men for?  The dishonouring of the deep masculine has backfired on women through the damage to their inner masculine which needed to hold and honour their feminine essence.  This interdependence is the "inner marriage" within every person of our masculine and feminine essences to support a full flow of aliveness.

In tantric healing massage, the male tantric practitioner embodies the deep masculine qualities of presence, and from that presence witnesses without judgement and creates safety.  In that safe container the feminine can at long last let go and allow the feminine radiance and vulnerability to flower.  The particular parts to be nurtured, supported and witnessed are the emotions and sexual desire and passion; for these are central to the divine feminine power.  It is this divine feminine power that each women needs to fully embody and that the world desperately needs. 

See www.shivoham.asia for how I work with this, Namaste

How we get wounded

As babies we need to be mirrored, to experience ourselves and have our needs and desires validated. People generally have no problem in mirroring and validating a baby's need to suck for comfort and nourishment. A feeding baby soon evokes coos of approval. But, when babies and toddlers discover their genitals ... its a different story. Embarassment, distraction, or anger often follow. The child soon gets the message that meeting some of theirneeds is OK and others aren't.

Later as young children, caught in the trianlge with our parents we so much want to be validated by the parent of the opposite sex and not seen as rivals. We need our natural erotic longings to be gently appreciated and also contained and given the message that our genitals are fine as a source of pleasure.

In teens we need the opposite sex parent to give us a message that we are becoming a beautiful young man or woman. We need our delicate (particularly in girls) sense of being a sexual being in a sexual body to be seen and appreciated; but of course not invaded. Often, for fear of being seen as lecherous or fear of their own sexual feelings, fathers push daughters away or try and still see them as little girls or get so protective of them that they give the message that it is dangerousto be a woman. If the mother also doesn't model being a sexual woman who if fine about her body; then the teenager is likely to be psychologically in trouble; still not getting the accurate mirroring and validation needed to get a healthy self-image and body image and to feel good about their sexuality.

In my work I often come across this scenario and provide the permission, validation and healing to enjoy who you really are http://www.shivoham.asia .